December 8, 2003

   Well, I don't know about ya'll but I was snowed in Friday and Saturday nights. I hate the snow, but
especially in December. What the hell? Can't Mother Nature cut us a break here? Can't the snow wait till
after the Holidays? Maybe Bing Crosby's dreaming of a White Christmas, but the rest of us don't need it.

News Item: The Simple Life.

    Everybody already knew that Paris Hilton was a brainless whore whose family has a ton of money,
and therefore has no responsibilities. But I can't believe what a dumbass Lionel Ritchie's daughter is.
Wouldn't you think that Lionel would have pulled Nichole aside and said "Sweetheart, I haven't had a big
hit since 1986, you might want to go easy on my Amex card and maybe get a job?" And while I have to
admit that Paris is a hottie, Nichole's not much to look at is she?
    I've only seen bits and peices of Fox's The Simple Life, but I think I'm safe in assuming that these two
idiots have no idea what the hell they are doing. Just another show on TV that makes me proud to be an
American.


Top 25 Most Dangerous Cities*
Detroit
St. Louis
Atlanta
Camden NJ
Washington DC
Compton CA
Dayton OH
Baltimore
Tampa
Gary, IN
Memphis
North Charleston, SC
New Orleans
Richmond, VA
Trenton, NJ
Jackson, MS
Cincinnati
Youngstown, OH
Cleveland
Springfield, MA
Oakland
Birmingham
Miami
Richmond, CA
Reading, PA
* source http://www.morganquitno.com/cit04pop.htm#CITIES

I have a couple of points here 1) Who would have thought that Gary, Indiana was more dangerous than
drug infested Miami, drunk crawling New Orleans or Springfield, where Chief Wiggum is the head of the
police dept.?
2) Reading PA? Doesn't that sound like somewhere Mr. Rogers might like to visit?
3) New York isn't on this list, as Dennis Leary once said "I'm sick and tired of New York taking the rap for
all the crime in this country. Every poll shows that Detroit leads the country in crime" He's right again,
which brings to mind this joke I read in FHM Magazine.(which I have altered somewhat.)

        A solider is driving through Iraq when a group of boys starts hurtling rocks at him.
        One boy has incredible accuracy and speed. The solider says to him "Hey I know the
        GM of the Detroit Tigers. Maybe I could get you a tryout."
        So the boy tries out and makes the Tigers. The Tigers had lost 119 games in 2003,
        but thanks to their brand new pitching phoenom, they go all the way to the World Series, where they
win in four straight games.
            In the jubilant Tigers clubhouse the youngster calls his father. "Father, Father he             says, we
have won the World Championship.
    The father is unimpressed "I do not care" he says "Your mother has been missing for         weeks,
your sister was raped and beaten this morning, and your brother has had rocks     thrown at him every
day on his way home from school.
"But father, you can't blame that on me"
"Oh yes I can. You're the one who made us move from Baghdad to Detroit."


FOOTBALL 2003

    Next week the Steelers (Joann and Woodsy's team) takes on my New York Jets, both with identical 5-
8 going nowhere records. This whole football season has been a joke. The only thing I'm thankful for is
that I'm not a Giants fans. The Giants lost to the scummy Redskins Sunday. They are now 4-9 and
heading for 4-12.

    At least it's better than what's going on in college football. Oklahoma was the last undefeated team in
the country before they got whooped Saturday night, leaving them, 2nd ranked USC, and 3rd ranked
LSU with identical records.
Yet, LSU jumps ahead of USC and takes on Oklahoma for the National title January 4th in the Sugar
Bowl. How the hell did they figure that out?

Happy Birthday's this week to my mom and to the newest members of the dirty 30 club: Kevin Woods
and Michele Holcroft. Woodsy celebrates Tuesday, Mom Wednesday, and Micikecroft Saturday.

Have a Great Week Everybody
Wild Bill