December 17, 2003

Hi!

Sorry for the delay. And sorry for sending out the incomplete version. That was the incomplete, pre
edited spelling mistake version. Here now the real version.

Two nights Two great parties.

FRIDAY NIGHT Danielle and Melissa's party
Astoria, NY

    Got there late because I had to work, but luckily, with my empty stomach, I was able to catch up with
the rest of the drunks.

     At last year's Christmas party, Danielle's uncle walked by me and said "This music sucks." It was all
Christmas music, but as soon as he said that they switched it over to 80's hits. When he came out, he
had his coat on. I said him "where are you going they changed the music. He looked at me and shouted
"F--k 'em, they drove me out of here."
    I found out later on that Danielle read that weeks Weekly Mail to her family at Christmas. Which is why
when I walked in the door Friday night, Uncle Danny was so happy to see me. Hey here's my buddy.
Where the hell have you been? I've been waiting all night!" What a welcome! He wasn't drinking, but he
had a beer with me. One beer with him led to a beer with Sheila and a beer with Susan and a beer with
Melissa and in no time I was feeling good.
    While I was out in the kitchen, I was also talking to Danielle's sister Colleen. First of all, let me say that
Colleen is awesome because she is in total agreement with me about radio stations that play wall to wall
holiday music. They should be banned by the FCC. But for some reason, she was PO'ed at her husband.
    When I got back into the living room, I introduced myself to her husband Tim, who looks a lot like
former North Carolina men's basketball coach Matt Doherty. At first, he seemed kind of tense, I guess
because Colleen was angry, but then he said to me "Wait a minute, you're Billy G the writer?" I was loving
this! I went from being the low man on the totem pole to "The Writer" Can you see why I'd drive through
hell in a gas truck to get to this party?
    And it would only get better and more insane. First I tried to get Danielle's brother, Joey C, to teach
me his dance moves. He was a good teacher but I was a lousy student. He's got a number for every
move he has. Danielle or Melissa call it out and he does it. It's unbelieveable. Then, Melissa brought out
a plateful of jello shots. Not content to guzzling beer with no food since lunch that afternoon, I wolfed
down a couple of vodka-filled jell shots. Still I was hanging tough.
    I went back into the living room for a few minutes, and then Danielle came over and said "Billy G,
there's someone I want you to meet." She brought me back into the kitchen and introduced me to
Katherine.
    Katherine is a nurse/student from Milwaukee, now working/studying/living at NYU. When After the
introductions, the first thing she said to me was "They have been talking about you all night." ( I don't get
this much love at home folks) We proceeded to exchange life stories and then all hell broke loose.
    First some guys and gals started challenging Katherine to drink Tequila. She didn't want to do it, so I
grabbed the bottle and downed it. Katherine happens to be very thin, so I knew the booze would go right
to her head. Plus they were making fun of her because she's from Milwaukee. Hell, they called her
Milwaukee so much, I almost forgot her name.
    Then evidently people were passing out and/or throwing up all over the place. Katherine went in to
check on Danielle, and I went into the living room to turn off the hideous dance music that was on. I went
back into the kitchen which was full and one of the guys said "Hey get Milwaukee out here." Milwaukee (I
mean, Katherine) was in Danielle's room. She came out for a second to tell me that despite saving her
from Tequila, she ended up doing Jack Daniel's. So I headed back to the couch.
    I was there for a few minutes, when Katherine came over and plopped down right next to me. She
wasn't feeling good and wanted to leave. We went back and got our coats (after waking up the drunk
who was asleep on them) I said goodnight to Melissa and Joey C, then we hit the road.
    If I was smart, I would have put Katherine in a cab, given the driver some money and bade them
farewell. Except she wanted no part of a cab. "I have a train card" She kept telling me. So we went up on
the train. "I don't want you to follow me" she said. I calmly explained to her that 1) I was going in the
same direction and 2) It was too late to be traveling on the subway alone. We rode along on the W to
Queens Plaza. She kept telling me, "Just go home" but I stayed on. Which would have been fine, except
that the darn train refused to move. It sat at Queensboro Plaza forever. Finally I agreed to leave her there,
said goodbye, and got on the car behind her. We were there for another 10 minutes or so and then all of
the sudden she got up and walk out of the car. I got out of mine and she ran over to me "Oh thank God
you're still here" It was like a scene out of a freaking Humphrey Bogart movie.
    The conductor said the train was about to leave so we hopped back on, but as soon as it started
moving she was starting up again. "When we get to the next stop, you have to go home" Now I was in a
bind. I didn't want her to think I was stalking her, but I didn't want her to be traveling alone either. When
we got to 59th Street, I walked her down to the 6, and then I went around the corner. Of course she
caught me. We talked for a few minutes and still no train. Finally before she went crazy, I went up the
stairs. I waited a few minutes then went back down. She was gone. No train had come. I had no idea
what happened.
    Danielle told me she was OK, but I felt like an idiot. Too many Jell-O shots. And as it ends up, there
were no trains going back to Queens, so I ended up taking a cab. And the first cab I went into wasn't
going back to Queens either. So to sum up, the night started out great and ended up a disaster. The
party as usual was outstanding. My only regrets being that I couldn't get there earlier and that Mr. & Mrs.
Colucci weren't there.

SATURDAY NIGHT PATTIANN"S BIRTHDAY
Taormina (147 Mulberry St. b/w Grand and Hester St.)  

    On a frigid Saturday night in December, Mulberry Street was absolutely packed. I couldn't believe
what a scene it was. Every restaurant on the street was chuck full, including the one we were going to. In
a surprising development, Patti-Ann was the first one there, I got there next followed by Joann,
Nick, Michelle and Steve Smith. Joann went in to remind the manager that we had reservations for 15.
After a few minutes we were seated. Joann said "I hope everybody shows up, because they are going to
be pissed if we made them seat us for 15 and only 6 of us are here." Mary, Kerry and her date, and
Mathis and her date all arrived shortly thereafter.

*** RESTAURANT REVIEW    RESTAURANT REVIEW    RESTAURANT REVIEW ***

    When we were on line, anyone who walked out said "Oh it was worth the wait" And they were right, at
least they were right about the food. It was outstanding. The service on the other hand left something to
be desired. They took way too long between drink orders, apps and dinner. But mostly I'm pissed about
what happened outside at the end of the night. More on that later.
    We had a great time catching up and talking. I told everybody about some of what happened the night
before. Jo was saying to Mary "Don't interrogate him" but I wanted her to because to be honest some of
it was kind of fuzzy. It was a great time.
    The bill was a bit more than I expected but hey, it was for Patti-Ann so I just put in what they told me. I
don't know what happened because I had to take a phone call from work, but I ended up getting some
money back. Rather than go back to the table I grabbed my jacket and went outside.
    They had one of those Santa's where you press the button and it dances and sings Jingle Bells. A big
loudmouthed Italian guy came over with his wife, two teenage kids and I'm presuming his sister in law
and said to them "Hey gather round Santa and I'll take a picture. COME ON"    So they all gathered
around and he snapped up a couple of pics. When they left, I pressed the button and the toy Santa went
into his act. All of the sudden a waiter comes out and says "My friend, it is 12 o'clock Please!" First of
all it was 11 (spring ahead fall back bozo) and secondly, we had just dropped a grand in his place and
now he was going to yell at me for playing Jingle Bells in the middle of Manhattan? Funk that

2 Patties (for being a jackoff)

    Then I thought I was going to see my first Mulberry Street rubout. The idiot waiter picked up Santa and
squeezed it so hard that it started coming apart. By this time the rest of our party began coming out.
The manager came out to help with Santa and spotted the bigmouth who had taken the pictures. He
pointed to him and said "I saw what you did" They guy started coming back at the manager "I didn't do
nothing" Luckily, the manager got back inside before bigmouth got to him, or there would have been
trouble. Mathis of course thinks I broke Santa, I should have. It would have served them right.
    From Taormina, we went to O'Neill's which was around the corner. The best part of this place to me
was the music. They were playing all 70's and 80's stuff. Then when the DJ took off the bartender was
playing Southern Rock, it was great. I also got to talk to Paul (Colleen's guy) and Mike (Kerry's date).
Both seemed like nice guys. And I met O'Grady for the first time, and caught up with Emma, my pal from
the Scavenger Hunt. (Weekly Mail 2/24/03) Patti-Ann used to be deathly afraid to come past 14th Street,
now she's a regular downtown woman.
    But old habits die hard. We ended up at a new place on 8th Avenue. I was shot and closing time was
approaching, so I headed home. It was quite a weekend.

News Item: Saddam Hussein Caught:

    When they pulled him out of that hole, he looked like he had spent the last 9 months underneath the
boardwalk on 116th Street. In fact, the conditions of his hideout were similar. Seems like his diet
consisted of Mars Bars, Hot Dogs and 7-Up (See, and my mom didn't believe me that you could live off
of that diet.)
    I'm surprised as hell that they got him alive. He didn't even put up a fight. He had started to
cooperate, but after a nap and a shower, he became defiant. According to one official, he's been "acting
like a wise-ass." My solution would be instead of having the CIA interrogate him, I'd bring in Sipowicz
from NYPD Blue to give him a tune-up or two. That will cure his wise-ass-ness and get him talking.


Entertainment News- Last week, radio producer Bernard McGirk, the "bald headed geek" from the Imus in
the Morning radio show, called in as former Net Jayson Williams and made some crude jokes about
having sex with Howard Stern's girlfriend Beth Ostrosky. Stern called Imus, demanding an apology, and
threatening to dish dirt about one of Imus's daughters. After calling each other bitches, Stern gave Imus
24 hours to apologize. When Imus refused, Stern told his audience that Ostrosky was going to sue Imus.
So let me see if I got this straight.
    Howard Stern, who makes his living disparaging people, especially women, who badgered Kathie Lee
Gifford for years, who when Imus lung collapsed in 1993 called the hospital and asked if there was any
chance Imus would die, now that someone picks on him, he's going to take it up in court?
What a p-ssy!

Sports: Here Endeth the Dynasty

    The more I heard the Yankee brass say it, the more I heard the Yankee fans say it, the more worried I
became. All we heard was that it was a matter of if, not when, Andy Pettite would re-sign with them. After
all he was a lifelong Yankee, a true Yankee, one who more times than not came up big in the clutch,
winning those game 2's after the Yankees lost game 1. Money in the bank.
    But I knew the longer they waited, the more likely it would be that he would sign with one of the Texas
teams. He signed with the Astros Thursday. According to the New York Times, Pettite's father said that
George Steinbrenner never even called Pettite to assure him that he would be a priority, when he should
have been the biggest priority.
    And make no mistake, for all of his "I'm glad to be going home" rhetoric, had the Yankees 1) reached
out early and 2) made a solid offer, he would have stayed. Sure, I think he's glad to be going back to
Houston, but I also feel that he had no problem pitching in New York, that he enjoyed an excellent
relationship with Joe Torre and Mel Stottlemyre and that a contract for 13 million per for 3 years may
have gotten it done, if they had offered that straight away during the early days of Free Agency.
    But instead the Yankees pursued a bunch of mediocre relief pitchers and Gary Sheffield, an extremely
talented but troublesome rightfielder. And now Pettite, who is extremely talented and not at all
troublesome goes away. Another great Yankee, drafted and developed while George Steinbrenner was
suspended from baseball, gone away.
The dynasty is OVER.

Our Jets and Steelers played each other in the slop on Sunday. The Jets were less pathetic and won 6-0.

Ladies and Gents, we have another dirty 30 member. Joining us December 17 is Karl T. (ace) Ludwig.
Happy Birthday bro, and welcome to the club.

Sorry for the delay. Hope it was worth it. Have a Great Week
Wild Bill